Love has been linked to numerous benefits, including reduced stress, improved mental health, and even longer life expectancy. Psychologists distinguish between different types of love, such as passionate, friendship, and spiritual love.
Cultivating love starts with self-awareness and self-compassion. Healthy self-esteem lays the foundation for loving others, enabling individuals to form genuine connections without relying on external validation. When we care for ourselves, we feel better about who we are. Then, we can give freely to others without self-doubt, tentativeness, or fear of rejection.
Ultimately, love is a journey, not a destination. When nurtured with intention and care, it invites growth, strengthens bonds, and enriches lives. Try starting the New Year by cultivating self-worth and establishing connections to nature, God, and others. It will make the journey very rich.
Dr. Thomas Swisher is a licensed counselor and a professor at Stevenson University where he teaches courses in counseling and positive psychology. Reach him in confidence at 443-996-6659 or swishtom@gmail.com.
Enmeshment within families often involves a lack of independence among family members. When two or more family members are enmeshed with each other, boundaries are vague or nonexistent. Signs of enmeshment include a lack of privacy between parent and child, a parent’s overinvolvement in a child’s life, the expectation that parents and children should be best friends or other forms of mutual envelopment. Parents often live vicariously through their children. In so doing, many parents envelop and entangle themselves in the lives of their children whose ultimate developmental goal is to individuate. When a parent and child become enmeshed, it also impacts other family members, who often feel excluded and resentful.
Healthy parenting subsystems and healthy sibling subsystems are a product of healthy boundaries. When those boundaries become diffuse, as when enmeshment exists, the family system often exhibits intense triangulations, alignments, and cut-offs. It is as if the family system seeks balance when an enmeshed dyad tilts it too far in one direction.
As the natural world prepares for winter, let’s consider what new “inner growth” we can foster. The visual changes in nature serve as powerful metaphors for personal transformation. Reduced sunlight and colder temperatures, however, can lower our moods and energy level. Finding ways to balance the season’s impact on our inner world is important.
October’s emphasis on harvest and thanksgiving reminds us to cultivate gratitude and mindfulness. Taking time to focus on the blessings and accomplishments of the past year can help build a sense of gratitude and contentment. This practice can also strengthen our spiritual lives by acknowledging the presence and support of a higher power in our journey.
Try This Exercise:
Think about your successes, adventures, and personal connections so far in 2024. “Count your blessings” and make a list if it helps.
Then, ask yourself: “How can I finish 2024 in a positive way?”
List your top goals for the final months of the year. This may help to reinvigorate you.
Reach out to a trusted friend or a good listener. Share what you value so far about this year and how you hope to finish it well. Ask them to do the same.
Dr. Thomas Swisher is a licensed counselor. Reach him in confidence at 443-996-6659 or swishtom@gmail.com.
Now that summer is here, encourage unstructured play for little ones in your life and for yourself! Unstructured play holds profound benefits for children’s development and as a stress release for adults.
Unstructured Play Fosters Creativity and Imagination. When children are free to explore their own games without adult direction, they think “outside the box”, inventing new scenarios and cultivating creativity. Imaginative play lays the foundation for innovative thinking later in life, crucial in fields like science, technology, engineering, and the arts.
Unstructured Play Promotes Social and Emotional Development. In unstructured play settings, children learn to negotiate, communicate, and collaborate with their peers. They develop crucial social skills such as empathy, cooperation, and conflict resolution, which are essential for building healthy relationships throughout their lives.
Unstructured Play Contributes to Physical Health and Well-Being. In today’s increasingly sedentary lifestyles, unstructured play encourages physical activity, stimulates gross motor skills, and enhances overall fitness. Whether it’s climbing trees, exploring a park, or building sandcastles, unstructured play promotes spontaneous physical activity that is enjoyable and beneficial for one’s health.
Unstructured Play Dissipates Stress & Promotes Flow. Research has established that flow experiences channel and release everyday stress. Try it and see!
The irony of today’s technology is that it connects us with more people, more often than ever before, and yet feelings of loneliness and isolation are higher than ever! Turns out that good old fashioned face-to-face friendships are essential to our overall well-being. Friendships tend to improve mood, reduce stress and depression, increase support, and boost self-esteem.
Good friends are hard to find. Good friends make you feel better just by being with them. They accept you for your true self. True friends are supportive, respectful, and trustworthy. One of the best ways to have a friend is to be a good friend by focusing more on your friend than yourself and listening with curiosity and compassion.
If you’re in search of a good friend, here are some ways you might find one: volunteering, joining a club, walking your dog and greeting other dog walkers, re-exploring your community as if you were a new-comer, and reconnecting with old friends. Then… bravely open up about yourself or invite an acquaintance to lunch. If you feel better afterwards, follow up with additional invitations. If you feel worse, move on, but don’t give up.
If you’re like most people, you often find yourself “in a mood” or feeling a strong emotion. While emotions usually have identifiable sources, the sources of moods are often unclear. Emotions tend to be brief while moods can be long lasting. Emotions have a variety of forms. Moods are more general (i.e.: good versus bad moods). Moods often influence emotions.
Researcher Marc Brackett has developed a “Mood Meter” to help clarify moods and emotions. He suggests that every mood has two primary dimensions: level of energy and degree of pleasantness. The graphic below depicts levels of energy from low to high on the y axis (vertical continuum) and degrees of pleasantness from unpleasant to pleasant on the x axis(horizontal continuum).
Moods which are low in energy and low in pleasantnessgenerally feel sad or apathetic. Those high in energy but low in pleasantness often produce anger, frustration, or fear. Moods which are high in pleasantness but low in energy tend to produce contentment, serenity, and ease. High energy/high pleasantness moods produce feelings of joy, happiness, and exhilaration. The following graph can help you identify your moods and emotions:
Individuals who can identify their moods and emotions are more likely to regulate them.
Dr. Thomas Swisher is a licensed counselor. Reach him in confidence at 443-996-6659 or swishtom@gmail.com.
Glad you have stopped by! As a licensed mental health professional and an attorney, my practice involves three very different areas. This site contains six sections or pages (See Menu at Top).
My Practice Areas Include:
Counseling – I maintain a private practice as an individual, couples, and family therapist. My goal as a therapist is twofold. First, I hope to help you reduce or extinguish whatever conditions in life make you uncomfortable. Second, my goal is to help you flourish and thrive as the unique individual, couple, or family you are. At our first meeting, we will discuss your overall goals for counseling and what approaches might work best for you. Click Here for Counseling Page
Mediation – As a mediator, I offer a Solution Focused Approach to resolving conflict. Much of my work is with couples who have decided to separate or divorce, but want to avoid the expense, time, and stress associated with a legal battle. In our first session, we will make a list of all the topics we need to create a legal document. This document is called a “Separation Agreement” or a “Parenting & Separation Agreement.” The list will cover topics like your children, finances, property, assets, residence, and much more. You can find a full list of issues in the Mediation section of this website. We will discuss each topic and when we are done, I will draft a legal document. You can review this document with anyone and we will modify it to meet your needs. Once you sign this document, it becomes a legally binding contract and will eventually become a divorce order when you seek an uncontested divorce. Click Here for Mediation Page
Professor – I began teaching in the Counseling & Human Services Department at Stevenson University in 2007. As a full professor, I developed and teach several courses including “Family Studies,” “Family Dynamics & Interventions,” and a course on “Positive Psychology.” I have several areas of research and publications which address “Positive Adaptation to Stress,” “Family Dynamics,” “Divorce & Separation,” and areas of Positive Psychology including “Thriving,” “Gratitude,” “Stress Related Growth,” and other fascinating topics. Click Here for Research & Publications of Dr. Swisher
The Videos Posted Throughout this Website Should Help You Consider the Myriad Topics I Address as a Counselor, Mediator, and Professor.
I look forward to chatting with you soon. You can reach me in confidence at swishtom@gmail.com or 443-996-6659. Until then, Be Well…
Genograms give individuals and families unique insights. The following video will help you explore the dynamics of your family of origin and the family you have created. It may also give you new insight into your own “way of being” and that of your loved ones.
Thomas K. Swisher, J.D., Ph.D. (443) 996-6659 